What To Do If She Turns Down Your Marriage Proposal - MEN ONLY

There is a lot you can do to reduce the chances of rejection, and you should already have an idea of what she is thinking before you pop the question. It goes without saying that you wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of saving for a ring and planning the perfect proposal if you thought she was just going to turn around and say “No”.

Yet, a marriage proposal is just that, a binary question that can go either way. It doesn’t matter how many gospel choirs you’ve hired or how perfect that mountain vista is, you can never guarantee that things will work out as you have planned.

Unfortunately (or fortunately in some cases), data suggests that a growing number of women are turning down marriage proposals from men who thought they had it in the bag. This probably has more to do with the ever increasing level of equality between men and women – and the fact that sourcing a husband is no longer the responsibility of one’s parents – than a decline in the quality of us men-folk.

Of course there is a lot you can do to reduce the chances of rejection and you should already have an idea of what she is thinking before you pop the question. Have you discussed your future together already? Does she always stop and point out engagement rings to you? Has she just come straight out and demanded that you ask her to marry you?

Even so, a woman can be fickle at times and she is free to make up her own mind and turn you down. This doesn’t always mean that the relationship is destined to terminate however, but it does indicate that there are two distinct and divergent aspirations for your relationship that will need addressing in a mature fashion.

How she responds to the proposal should be a good indicator of whether or not the relationship is salvageable. Hopefully she has reacted with enough sensitivity to give an explanation for her rejection – which broadly speaking should fall into one of the following three camps:

•     No – Not right now: Ok, so she is not ready to get married quite yet. She may be looking at this from two different angles: that it is not the right time in the relationship or it is not the right time in her life. You could see the latter reason as more positive, perhaps she feels she is too young to get married or maybe she wants to focus on her career for a while. Talk openly about what she wants for herself, what did she have ‘planned’ and how do you fit into those plans? If this is her only concern you should try to talk the matter through and reach a sensible conclusion about where to go from here – you may even win her round and get her to reconsider. If she thinks the time is not right in the relationship you need to find out why you have differing opinions. She may be concerned that you are not collectively ready emotionally or financially or that you haven’t been together long enough to ‘test’ your compatibility. Through discussion you may discover that you have completely polar outlooks on your relationship – perhaps this is a cue to walk away. 

•  No – I never want to get married: Believe it or not, not all women have been dreaming of their wedding day since they were six. For one reason or another, your partner has decided that she does not want to ever get married. Perhaps she disagrees with the institution of marriage; perhaps she comes from a broken home where marriage was not joyous or celebrated. Whatever the reason you may not be able to change her mind. Don’t wait around for something that just isn’t ever going to happen. If she still wants to be with you in a stable, loving relationship that may have all the trappings of a marriage but without the paperwork, then you have to decide what you want. Are you OK with never being a husband? Only you can answer that.

•     No – I don’t want to marry you: This is probably the hardest reason to hear. Yes, she has always dreamed of getting married, she even has a scrapbook under the bed with magazine clippings and colour swatches; its just that she doesn’t want to marry you. At least you know where you stand with this one and there is normally nothing left to do but go your own separate ways. You should certainly look on the bright side however as now you have all that free time to spend searching for the girl for whom you really will be mister right.

Don’t bottle it up

Whatever the reason for her rejection of your offer, you shouldn’t stay quiet about it and let it get to you. After you have sorted out what path you and your partner are willing to travel – be it together or separately – you should speak to your friends about what has happened. They may have been in similar situations themselves and be full of advice.

Getting turned down is not a cause for embarrassment and you must not feel ashamed or foolish for trying. Yes, it will undoubtedly hurt for some time – a long time perhaps – but you will move on. If you do stay together, who knows maybe she was right in her reasoning and your relationship will go on to be stronger than ever before. If you do break-up know that it was definitely for the best and you should be glad it happened sooner rather than later.

At least you won’t have to save for a ring again!