A bridal shower is a gift-giving party held for a
bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding. The custom originated in the 1890s
and is today most common in the United States, Canada, Australia and New
Zealand.
The history of the custom is rooted not necessarily for the
provision of goods for the upcoming matrimonial home, but to provide goods and
financial assistance to ensure the wedding may take place.
Men are typically not allowed at these functions. But
recently more men have been attending. Planning the bridal shower traditionally is left up to the
maid of honor and bridesmaids, but today really anyone can host.
Questions & Facts Regarding Bridal Shower
- Why Have a Bridal Shower?
A bridal shower is a fun way for a woman's friends and
family to celebrate her, prior to the wedding. As they "shower" her
with gifts, they prepare her to start her own household. Historically, bridal
showers started when women wanted to marry "unsuitable husbands" and
thus their families refused to provide a dowry. Friends of the couple gathered
to pitch in and make up for the lack of a dowry by helping them set up house.
Today, they are a time to share stories, eat great food, and
pay special attention to the bride.
- Who Throws the Bridal Shower?
Typically, the maid of honor hosts the bridal shower, unless
she is a member of the bride's immediate family. (Many etiquette guides frown
on a family member hosting, because it looks like she's trying to get gifts for
the bride. Often the mother of the bride and/or the bride's sister will still
be involved, just not technically be the host. Others realize that in this
modern world, a relative is sometimes the only appropriate host.)
For an informal, or casual shower, the maid of honor or host
picks up all the costs. For a more elaborate shower, she may talk to the other
bridesmaids and get them to agree on chipping in or splitting costs at the
beginning of the planning process. And of course she can, and should, ask the
other bridesmaids to help with set up, planning, decorating, etc.
- Where to Have the Bridal Shower?
Frequently, it takes place at a bridesmaid's home, but you
can choose any place where you like to throw a party, such as a favorite
restaurant, a park, a beach, or the zoo. You can also choose to have theme
showers at paint-your-own-pottery studios, beauty salons, galleries or other
favorite party spots. It's okay to not pick up all costs, as long as you tell
guests beforehand. For example, an invitation to a restaurant shower might say
"We'll celebrate with a dutch lunch (entrees cost about $10) followed by
cake and champagne in the garden" or a spa invitation might say
"We've got the room reserved at XYZ spa. Call the spa directly to book
your appointment. Instead of a present, bring $25 to pay for the bride's
treatments and send her on her way with a deluxe spa gift certificate."
- When to Have the Bridal Shower?
The shower should take place anywhere from 6 months before
to the week of the wedding. If many guests are traveling from out of town, it
may make sense to have it close to the wedding, so they can attend. Otherwise,
it can be nice to have it four months or more before the wedding, so that it
will add to anticipation, without adding to a bride's last minute stress. (Some
etiquette guides say to wait until after the wedding invitations have gone out,
but I think it's fine to do it earlier, as long as all shower invitees will
definitely be invited to the wedding itself.) As for time of day, the
traditional time is Sunday afternoon, but really any time day or night is fine.
- Do You Need to have a Bridal Shower?
It's up to you, and your bridal party! While it's often a
very fun afternoon, some bride's feel uncomfortable with the attention. Others
may not want to ask their friends for more gifts. Make sure the bride wants a
shower before starting to plan one.
- Who Should You Invite?
Start off by asking the bride for a guest list! (If it's a
surprise, talk to her mother, or her fiancé). You'll want to make sure that
you're not inviting anyone who won't be invited to the wedding, and the only
way to know that is to ask directly. Remember to invite close female relatives
of both the bride and groom, as well as all the women in the wedding party and
the bride's close friends. While bridal showers are traditionally all women,
today, many are co-ed affairs celebrating both the bride and groom.
- What Happens During a Shower?
You'll find that most of the party will be spent eating,
laughing, telling stories and opening presents. Food can be as simple as picnic
staples and crudite to an elaborate spread with a theme related to the couple.
As the bride open presents, have some nice music playing in the background.
Make thank-you note writing easier by picking someone to write down the gifts
and their giver. If you're having the party at home, you may want to have some
bridal shower games to keep the party moving.
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