Excerpts from Jumoke Adenowo’s narratives on kemi Adetiba’s ‘King Woman’
My mum was my first role model. It took me a while actually to realize she was my first mentor. She didn’t tell me what a woman could do. She just did it and I saw it. I mean, she was all over. She traveled all over the world more than my dad did. My mum traveled a lot but I didn’t feel it. Because I remember she was there at 3:30 for lunch and will be there at dinner.
I think I lost a bit of my childhood there because I was her confidant and the things I had to cope with. I had to bear the burden of stuffs like her husband’s infidelity. That was a bit much. My dad and I are still close. I wasn’t happy with the choices he made as a husband but he wasn’t my husband. It’s an era of men who tried to have a monogamy but failed at it. They thought the tried enough. But they didn’t realize if you make a vow, you really should keep at it.
We were loyal people. Good people. So I was used to good relationships, intellectual people. Intellectual discuss. I didn’t know young people get up to things. I thought everyone was like me and I worked with that assumption for a long time. So it was a serious wake up realizing life was not the way I grew up.
My husband was my first real boyfriend. Others asked me but I wasn’t in love with them though I had ones I liked. I left university, started my business and met my husband through friends.
I knew he was the man God wanted me to marry even before meeting him. I didn’t see his picture or anything but I had a flash of him once my friend mentioned his name. But of course I didn’t show him I knew he was going to be my husband.
Even when he proposed, I didn’t say yes. It amazes me these days when you see young people shouting yes, yes, yes. What is wrong with you people? It was not like that for me. I gave him a few days to stew. It was very important for me because I knew I cannot marry an unfaithful man.
A man is a hunter. So you have to keep him hunting. Even in marriage, don’t be predictable. Don’t be boring. You have a purpose in your life that is beyond your husband because once that man becomes the center of your gravity, you are finished.
You need to be a Queen mother. To be a submissive woman, first be powerful, you need to have enough power to be dangerous. If your husband asks you to stay home and not travel, you accept to stay home not because you can’t afford to travel but because you’re submissive.
However, if the only reason you sit down is because you can’t afford to travel, then you’re just obeying, you’re not submissive.
A traditional King will have concubines but the Queen is the one who has a voice. She ceased to become a woman. But she’s a mind and a soul.
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